More Roller-Coastering...

Well, if you have visited here (my little Low Carb Blogfest) or my other online journal in the past you have had to listen to my incessant whining about the roller coaster ride my weight stats have been taking. Sure, the ride down is the most exciting, hands in the air screaming your head off all the way down. But those slow cranking rides back up kinda stink. Especially when you thought you were **AT** the top already, only to find things going up still higher.

It may be a little self inflicted water retention this time as I ate some Oscar Mayer No Sodium Nitrite/No Sodium Nitrate hot dogs (which if you look at the label is still chock full of sodium - just not nearly as much).

So when someone with sodium sensitivity like myself eats 4 of them (cause they are quick and easy to fix) it might have some effect. By and large I am doing well with moderating my sodium intake (cut the pickles and olives and hot dogs mostly).

I decided to rework the spreadsheet graph since January 1st (when I got my new scale) and to add in a moving 5-day average and a moving 10 day average as well as the actual. I am also graphing recent lows and highs as this bouncing or roller coastering up and down is moving in a window as well. I guess the averages make me feel better, seeing the overall trends and enabling me to look past any one days numbers. The peaks and valleys concern me a little. Especially the peaks.

Perhaps I need to bring in a Wall Street analyst and see if I should buy or sell... (smile).

I am looking at the purple line as some kind of resistance my body has to accepting the loss, and it is fighting back a little. The red line trending the lows is showing progress along with the averages.

This is your BRAIN on Atkins!

The Ribeye...

Man, I have never had such cravings for steak - especially Ribeye Steaks until recently. They are SOOOO AWESOME! I have always been a Sirloin man, or a Filet Mignon man until now. Well, minor league steaks.... MOVE OVER. I am a 100% Ribeye Man now!

It must be the fat. The marbling that makes them so juicy and melt in your mouth perfect! I am not talking about these little skinny things the grociers calls Ribeyes in the meat section either. I have had some awesome Ribeye steaks recently that are about the best things I have ever put in my mouth!

It is pretty sad. I must confess. I go down the road in the car on the way to work and I pass all these cows in the pasture on the way to/from. Now everytime I look at them all I see is juicy, tasty Ribeyes on the hoof!!! Isn't that pathetic?

Anyhow, you can post your fav steaks and low carb foods, but I am bonkers over Ribeyes lately.

I can't believe I am on a diet now. Eatin great. Never hungry. Losin Weight!

Getting Inside The Head: Low Carb Weight Loss

Getting inside the head of low carb weight loss...

I have been thinking lately about the way people think on low carb - the way that I've found myself thinking and the way I've seen others thinking. Dieting and the low carb way of eating are big changes. Huge changes. Staying on it and being consistent requires huge motivation and commitment.

I've also been thinking about the challenges and mental hurdles one has to jump over and hoops one has to mentally jump through ...to get "there"... Wherever "there" is. Goal Weight. Being "AT GOAL". To the point you are happy. To the point you stop trying to go lower. To the point you want to stay at for a while.

There is a mental place I am convinced that people have to get to before they are ready to launch into this. I think that there is a starting point - a point of reference, and a place where one is sufficiently interested and motivated to make BIG CHANGES in ones life. At least there was a place like that for me. There is a level of dissatisfaction. A level of unhappiness. A level of concern. Worry. Fear. Something has to push you to action. Something has to get you on-track and keep you on-track. Status Quo is not acceptable. There is a level of discomfort and dissatisfaction to motivate you and compell you to action.

People are funny. They take the shortest distance they can find between two points most of the time. They are really apathetic and indifferent about so many things. And they will respond, and move, and change to such simple stimulous and response - if it makes their life easier or better or simpler. If it reduces conflict. I watch folks all the time, and have been something of a student of human nature in my line of work.

For me the impetus was concern for my health and happiness. For me it was the strong desire to raise my kids myself (not to die and have someone else do it). For me it was fear of greater problems than I was already experiencing in my health. Also there was a fear that I would not continue to enjoy success in my career and professional life if I kept bloating up to new highs. Being physically large enough to affect others just by occupying space nearby. I don't know. Some kind of awesome negative gravity that would surround me, and rub off somehow on others. You see it in their faces. They way they look at you, or don't look at you.

For some others going down this road I sense that it is a sense of rejection from others, and wanting to be accepted by them. For some it seems so deep that there is self loathing and a lack of comfort in one's own skin. For some it seems to be so deep that they suffer depression and are full of negativity and low self esteem. A low sense of ones own self-worth. They are reluctant and ashamed to post their "before" pictures. Probably ducking mirrors. Their internal self image is different from how they see themselves in the mirror.

I suppose I had that at some point in my life as well. But at some point I think I more or less stopped caring about what many others thought. It was a defense mechanism, I know, but also a rejection of their value system as a whole. I KNOW I AM WORTH SOMETHING! Even if YOU don't think so! And I just didn't worry about it. I guess this is a defense mechanism when you realize you are not going to be the muscle bound athlete or Prom King or Queen. When the girls you like alot don't like you so much in return. When you become an object of others pity or of scorn or of derision.

Sure, I want my wife and kids and friends and coworkers and even strangers to like the way I look. To really like me inside and out, and to be the kind of person (physically) that they are not ashamed of and are positive about. I want to do things with the kids that I am physically unable to do today. Be more active.

Anyhow, I cannot even begin to put all of my thoughts about this into one posting. They go off in alot of directions. And yet I know that it took awhile for me to pull the trigger and that I am absolutely committed to what I am doing now.

I know that I could not and would not do this until I got to a certain point myself, and I was even willing to forgoe alot and endure alot to be able to eat as I wanted to, to keep from changing, and live as I wanted to without alot of discipline, excercise, and sacrifice.

Now I don't believe I am going to get off of this lifestyle and way of eating. I am too scared to do it. I am too committed to do it. I am not going to fail at this. I am going to learn a new way of living and eating, and make it stick.

The risks to me right now are frustration and depression. Negativity. Negative self talk. Getting down. Failing to believe in myself and in what I am doing. The ability to get over roadblocks. Stalls. Slowing of losses. The bouncing I find myself doing, and periodically (every so many days) watching my weight bounce up and not down. I see these things in even the "GREAT ONES" who have conquered great losses, but are frustrated with some few pounds or some last measure of success. What a colossal failure if I cannot maintain this! If I bloat on back up to where I was. If I cannot sustain this. It is simply unacceptable. Unthinkable.

Impatience seems to be another common problem among LC'ers. We all want to be at goal weight NOW! We don't want to wait for it. We sometimes don't really want to work for it, or suffer, or do without. We think it is taking TOO LONG to get here. We want to get there NOW. Like a spoiled little kid. Throwing fits.

I think in some ways I am more scared about getting there right now. I am worried what will motivate me, when the downward movement of the scale is really not my reward and source of happiness. What will replace it? How will I feel as great a sense of accomplishment? I really don't want to become a total bodybuilder high intensity fitness-dude who is all about himself. There are limits. Even to what I want in terms of progress. I think there will be a point where I will reach ENOUGH. I am having trouble envisioning that. I am having trouble understanding how I keep going when there is no new thing - when I am at ENOUGH. Enough weight loss. Enough fitness. Enough health. Enough happiness. I want balance in my life. I am worried if I get it (ENOUGH and balance), I will have a hard time staying motivated and rewarded and psyched to maintain there. I hope not.

For now, I am taking it a day at a time. I will figure out tomorrow when I get there. I will celebrate and dance and laugh and whoop it up when I hit new lows. I got a long way to go yet, and it will take some time to get there. To ENOUGH.

Yeah, ...Baby! EEEEEEEEE DOGGIE!

I am down to 344.2 and I can't help but do a little dancin'.......... (Pardon Me, Please)!

That would be something like 65.8 lbs down so far (literally within spittin distance of 66 lbs)!!!

I know that this is only a testament to how grossly morbidly obese I allowed myself to get (and how much I have to lose), but HEY..., HERE I AM - AND LOVIN IT!!!

I gotta long way to go, and on some days it seems like I see little to no forward progress - or at least my weight is bouncing up and down and up and down and progress at least "FEELS" elusive! All those days of hanging in there and not seeing the numbers I really want on the digital readout of my scale are so frustrating, but make mornings like this morning really special.

Wooooshin on down to new lows is the best!!

One day I will hit a serious wall and the reward will not be in seeing new lower numbers anymore, but in maintaining the loss over the rest of my life - and maybe looking for qualitative gains in fitness and health. SO... here's to enjoyin it while I can, cause there's no sense in gaining it all back just to lose it all again!!!

That to me is the big picture goal. I want to be like others I have met that have kept it off long term, that are still active in the forums and posting and helping and encouraging others who need their help - and sharing all they have learned. They look great but are not about to fall into the trap of thinking they have arrived, and don't fade off into the sunset.

Celebrating the little successes on the way makes it fun. I was happy all day today with just the thought that I had hit a new low like this. In my head I know that if all stays true to form I will bounce around a bit again before I hit another new low later a number of days down the line. Sure, I wish I was at goal NOW. I wish I didn't have to go through all this. I wish it didn't take so long. But maybe I will learn a lifelong lesson. I hope so!

The Bible: Just a "Book of Morals", or More?

I know everybody is different. Most of us all have different beliefs and different levels of faith. I suppose that this is a pretty normal thing. Some folks have really no faith at all, or their faith and belief is in the things they can understand and get their arms around mentally.

Over time I have come to the conclusion that there are some things that I cannot get my arms around mentally. Take time for example. My brain tells me there had to be a beginning of time. It could not have always existed. It is impossible. Yet my brain also asks me that if there is a beginning of time, then what happened just before that? A second before? A minute before? Days before? Eons Before? An eternity before? It works the same way if we go to the end of time, if you believe there is an end. What happens just after that? And eons after that? And an infinite eternity after that?

Wow! Am I stupid or what? I cannot even comprehend time.

If that wasn't bad enough I cannot even comprehend space. If I were to shoot off rocket ships loaded with unlimited fuel, and ultimate speed towards opposite ends of everything, my brain says there should be an end to everything. And yet, what is on the other side of that end? A few inches further? An infinite amount of space further?

Wow, I am dumb and just getting dumber, I guess, ...the more I think about it.

Well, what does the bible say about these kinds of things?

Isaiah 55:8-10
For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.


Wow, the creator of the Heavens and the earth and all that is in it says that I cannot even comprehend it all. That's a fact.

So how do I know what happened in time and space? Is there a beginning? Is there an end to it?

Yep. God said so.
Right in Genesis. First chapter.

"In the beginning God created..."

OK. So there was a beginning.

He also says that there is an end.
In fact, he claims to be the Alpha and Omega - the beginning and the end.

That's all I need to know. There's a beginning cause He said so. There's also an end. Cause He said so. He wanted me to know. So He shared it with me and you in His Word.

I always hear really smart folks explaining all the science and BILLIONS of years, and the BIG BANG and all that. But in the end they are left with just as many answers as I am, probably more. Cause even their brain tells them the same as mine. That there had to be a beginning, yet there couldn't be. That there has to be an end to space, yet their couldn't be. They say that the BIG BANG began with an event called a singularity, where all the mass in the universe was compressed into a tiny speck at the first moment and exploded outward in some evolutionary explosion that eased its way over billions of years to everything we know as our world today. Now tell me, is it easier to believe that, cause some scientist told you so... or to believe in a creator God? It seems just as easy or just as hard to me. In fact, it might even be more difficult to believe in a BIG BANG that came from a tiny point of nothing, not having any real way to explain time or space or anything really.

I see in the world around me, not CHAOS, but ORDER. I see a CREATOR. I see created things and animals and people - people that are "fearfully and wonderfully" made. Consider the order and organization of the human body. It requires much more faith to believe anarchy and happenstance developed all this. In fact it flies in the face of every law of science.

I have learned about CAUSE and EFFECT. I have learned about ENTROPY, MUTATIONS, and other interesting things we can observe about the world around us.

I know that when there are paintings there is a painter, even if I have never met the person.
No painting has spontaneously appeared on a spontaneous canvas without a painter. Not really.

Why am I getting into all of this? Well, a comment on another low carb blog really prompted my need to express all of this. This is what I believe with all my heart, and mind, and soul, and life.

I look to the Bible and the literal Word of God. Inspired. 100% True. You can bet your life on it. In fact, you have to.

I believe it is accurate down to the very tense of a word used in the Bible (AM versus WAS)! Jesus demonstrated this is so in demonstrating to the Sadducees that there is a ressurrection from the dead from scripture in stating:

Matthew 22:31-33
But concerning the resurrection of the dead, have you not read what was spoken to you by God, saying, ‘I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob’? God is not the God of the dead, but of the living.” And when the multitudes heard this, they were astonished at His teaching.

Jesus demonstrated that the very tense of a word used is something we can base our doctrine and understanding on. That it is THAT ACCURATE!

So I can derive all kinds of information about how to live my life, the meaning and purpose of life, and how to live it by God's Word. It is powerful. It is accurate. It is full of science, full of truth, and full of Goodness.

I have faith in that, and it requires less faith than any evolutionary theory, big bang, or so-called science. And I can learn from it all kinds of things about most every aspect of my life from it. It is there in a way I can understand it.

When man still thought the earth was flat, God Said...
Isaiah 40:22 "It is He who sits above the circle of the earth"

When we did not even practice modern medicine and anesthesia God said...
Genesis 2:21 "And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place."

Before we knew about shipping lanes in the seas God said they were there...
Psalms 8:8 "And the fish of the sea that pass through the paths of the seas."

There are many many many more scientific principles described over and over again in the Bible. True science. Real Science. Gods unerring Word.

I don't expect you to drop all your beliefs in all the science this world has to offer. But either the Bible is what it claims to be, or it is not. Either God did all described in the Bible, or He didn't. Either this life has a plan and meaning, or it doesn't. I subscribe to what God said. And when I cannot understand, I know it is because God's thoughts are higher than my own. As they should be.

The other day I heard that in just one tiny area of space we are aware that there are billions of stars. Trillions of stars. Numbers beyond your minds ability to comprehend in just the breadth of it. Certainly we can understand and appreciate there are limits to our understanding at the most micro and macro levels.

If you are open-minded, and intelligent, you ought to for some certain reasonable time, seriously consider that there may just be an intelligent, powerful creator of all of this creation. Read the Bible. Carefully. Give some pause to consider things that may be the most important things of all for you to know and understand.

Sick Yesterday & Today (Probably tomorrow too at this rate!)

The old head-cold/flu kinda thing. WAAAY under the weather. Couldn't sleep last night. Sinuses so stuffy and sore. Didn't even care to even weigh-in this morning. Ate right though. Trying to get over this mess. Hopefully it will pass. I had this same thing a few weeks ago, and now I have it again. Thought I'd be immune now, having had it already. Maybe this cold/flu is a near relative of what I had before. Anyhow, trying to keep my focus, rest, take my medicine and supplements, and get better.

Sniffle.